


Retirement

by RosieClark



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Established Relationship, F/M, Langst, Mourning, Post-Canon, but allura's not dead, langst exchange 2019, some fluff?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-27 11:03:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20406661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosieClark/pseuds/RosieClark
Summary: After the Allura returned to earth and began rebuilding the coalition, Lance and Pidge decided to take a step away from Voltron and into retirement. Life is simple and easy, that is until Keith arrives with one last mission.What could go wrong?





	1. In which everything goes to shit.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnchoredTether](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnchoredTether/gifts).

> This is my gift to the amazing AnchoredTether. I had a blast writing this, and I hope you enjoy!

**LANCE **

“Hey babe, have you seen my blue shirt?” Lance poked his head into the bathroom where his girlfriend was brushing her teeth.

“Mmph?” She looked up, toothbrush in her hand, her mouth full of frothy toothpaste. 

“The blue one, with the collar.” Katie spit into the sink and he gave her the most devilish smirk he could muster. “The one that makes my eyes pop?” 

She rolled her eyes at him, but couldn’t hide her smile. He came up behind her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. She playfully batted him away as she combed her hands through her hair, pulling it itno a messy bun. Not for the first time in his life, Lance wondered how he got so lucky. 

After the whole Galra fiasco, the paladins were offered a chance to join the Garrisons elite squad of peacekeepers. They all accepted, and life was fun, full of adventure and danger. They trained the new rebels and pilots and fought against the upcoming Galra supporters. He finally gathered the courage to ask Katie on a date, and she said yes. Everything was good. Until it wasn’t. 

Iverson’s death put a lot of things into perspective. Life was short. Was he really going gamble it every time he flew in space? He talked it over with Katie, and they agreed to try and do normal. The next day they announced they would be leaving the Garrison. Keith had opposed at first, but eventually he came around. It wasn’t like they were moving to a different planet, they were just going to do what everyone else does. Go to university, graduate, get a job, start a family. That was the plan at least. 

Sometimes he misses it. The rush, better than any drug he and Marco experimented with behind the barn all those years ago. But when he wakes up with Katie snuggled against his side, he wouldn’t change anything for the world. 

Except maybe for the decision to go to med school. In his head it had sounded like a foolproof plan. He would become a doctor and help those in need all around the galaxy. He saw a need in the world and realized what he could do to help. What he didn’t account for was all the exams. He felt like he had an exam every week, which he did. 

Life was simple and nice. The green and blue uniforms were hung in the closet, untouched. They still got together with the gang every week for Monsters and Mana and he and Katie frequently visited the Garrison. It was nice to see he could still beat the rookies at flying. 

“So I’m guessing you haven’t seen it?” Lance asked, leaning against the door frame. He really wanted to wear that shirt today.

“It’s in the laundry basket.” Katie emerged from the bathroom, pulling a hoodie over her head.  _ His  _ hoodie. 

“Quiznack.” Lance scratched the back of his head. “I guess I’m wearing the red one.” 

“You know,” she called from the kitchen. “You could try and do laundry every once and awhile.”

“Maybe.” He grinned, pulling on the red shirt that Keith had gifted him. “And you could try and do the dishes.” 

Katie glared at him. “Point taken.” 

He let out a laugh and kissed her. “I’ve got to run, but we’re still on for dinner with Keith tonight?” 

“Mhm,” she leaned in for another kiss. “I managed to convince him to bring Hunk’s food.”

Lance sighed, already dreaming about the food. “Babe, you rock.” 

*

Lance was busy setting the table when the doorbell rang. He put down the last fork and opened their door revealing Keith Kogane, mullet and all. 

“You’re wearing the shirt.” Keith deadpanned, looking Lance over. The Cuban took the bags of food from his hands and walked over to the dining room table. 

“That I am.” He set the bags down, the smell of Italian goodness already wafting through out their apartment. He opened them, pulling out container after container of pasta, salad and garlic knots. 

Katie appeared from their bedroom, freshly showered. She sat down next to Lance and started to dish out the food. “So what’s to important you had couldn’t ask up over the phone?” 

Lance accepted his plate and looked at the red paladin. “Did you and Allura finally get engaged?” 

“Kosmo is pregnant!” Katie squealed.

“You need a best man, dude, I’m honored.” 

“I’d be delighted to puppy-sit for you again!” 

Lance and Katie started to laugh, but stopped when they realized Keith was staring at his food. 

“Keith,” Katie’s voice was softer. “What’s up?”   
  


“I’m here for the Garrison,” he started and Lance already didn’t like where this was going. “We need your help.” 

Lance made eye contact with Katie and she shook her head. “Keith, we’re out of the game. For good.”

“I know--I wouldn’t be asking unless I had any other choice.” He sounded tired and Lance wondered when he slept last. “It’s a routine mission. We have to protect a battle class bulmera crystal that’s on route to Olkarion.” Katie’s eyes lit up at the name of her favorite planet. “But we’re short members. The MFE’s are off world helping with the relief efforts, and I don’t trust the newer recruits. Not after--” he stopped, giving Katie a sad glance. “I need someone I can trust.” 

Lance had to admit, he put up a convincing argument. And from the look on Katie’s face, she felt the same. Really, what harm could one mission do?

“You said we’re protecting a bulmera crystal,” Katie spoke up. “From who?”

Keith pushed his pasta around his plate. “Lotors goons.” 

Lance felt Katie stiffen beside him, and he wrapped an arm around her comfortingly. “That means--”

“Yeah. It does. We have a real chance at taking them down.”

The Cuban let out a low whistle. “So it’s for the greater good.”

Keith gave him a half smile. “Isn’t it always?” 

Katie caught his eye and she nodded. He set his mouth in a hard line. “Count us in then.”

“I’ll send over the briefing.” Keith stood, his food untouched. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“Yeah, later.” Katie called as the door clicked shut behind him. Lance looked at her, realization setting in.

“Did we just agree to go on a mission.” 

She nodded, rubbing her temples with her fingers. “For old time’s sake?” 

He managed a grin. “They won’t know what hit them.”

  
  


*

Lance rolled over in bed, his arm wrapping around Katie's waist pulling her closer to him. She mumbled a few protest about him being too warm before giving in and snuggling into his chest. 

“Katie?” His voice rumbled in his chest.

“Mhm?” 

“I think we made a huge mistake.” Since their conversation with Keith, Lance couldn’t get the idea that something was going to go terribly wrong out of his head. He knew it was stupid, that they were the freaking Paladins of Voltron and it was a routine mission, but he couldn’t shake the unease. 

“Babe,” Katie said softly, rolling on top of him and propping herself up on her elbows to look at him in the darkness. “What’s eating at you?” 

“I just--” he mindlessly rubbed circles on her shoulders. “I’m afraid of loosing what we have. The war--Katie, the war almost took everything from us. That’s why we retired. And now we’re breaking that agreement for a mission they probably don’t even need us for, and--”

“Hey, you’re beginning to sound like me, rambling off like that.” Lance chuckled despite his unease. “We’re going on this mission to prevent another war. If Lotor's goons get their hands on this bulmera crystal, who knows what they’ll do? And thinking that they don’t need us? Lance, you and I were the brains and guns of Voltron. Honestly, I’m surprised they haven’t asked for our help sooner.” 

Even in the dim light, Lance could see her grin. He smiled and exhaled. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“I know, I’m the genius remember?” Her tone was teasing. “But Lance, don’t ever be afraid of loosing me. I’m not going anywhere.” 

Lance nodded and turned on his side, rolling her off him, and wrapped his arms around her small frame again. She let out a yelp of surprise, then nestled into his arms. They were the freaking Paladins of Voltron. What could go wrong?

*

Lance knew he was supposed to hate it, but quiznack. Nothing beat the rush of a mission. His bayard had morphed into two pistols, the sleek handles familiar in his calloused hands. He could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins, electrifying every movement he made. One look at Katie, and he knew she was feeling the same way. 

She met his gaze and flashed a wicked grin. “Nothing like being in the field again.” 

He nodded, a small part of him worried. What if she enjoyed herself too much? What if she didn’t want to give up the suits anymore? What would happen then?

A large hand clapped him on the back, startling him out of his thoughts. Lance returned Hunk’s gesture and they did that bro hug thing. 

“Man, it’s good to have you back.” 

“It’s good to be back.” He adjusted his hold on his guns. “One last mission before we tie the knot.” 

Hunk’s face lit up and he crushed Lance in a bear hug. “You’re thinking of popping the question?” 

“Yeah. Soon.” Lance smiled, thinking of Katie as his fiance, as his  _ wife.  _ “I’ll let you know when we need the wedding cake.”

Hunk looked like he was about to explode from happiness, and quite frankly Lance felt the same way. Him and Katie have been happy for a long time, and it was time for them to take the next step. They were already living together, and the topic of starting a family had been discussed. It was time for him to ask her to marry him. 

“All right folks, gather round.” Shiro clapped his hands together to get everyone's attention. “Here’s the plan. Katie, you and Keith are on the south beach. We have intel that the attack will be coming from the water, so stay alert. Hunk and I will be defending the cargo. Lance,” Shiro looked him up and down. “Nice guns, but I’m going to need you in the water tower. Take them out Sharpshooter style.” 

Katie scoffed, an amused expression crossing her face. “Shiro, please stop telling my boyfriend what nice guns he has.”

Lance turned red and Shiro just shook his head. “You know what I mean. Break.” 

Katie pulled Lance in for a kiss. “Stay safe Tailor.”

“You too Pidge,” Lance whispered in her hair. “Just--just don’t die.”

“Come on babe,” she pulled away, quirking a half-smile. “What could go wrong?”

“Holt! Mcclain! Get a room!” Keith shouted, earning a groan. Katie shrugged before running off to join the red paladin. Lance headed for his tower. 

_ I missed this _ , Lance realized. The waiting and suspense, the witty banter over comms, everything. Maybe coming out of retirement wasn’t such a bad idea after all. He was just about to make a retort correcting Keith and making some witty pun--cows only drink water. I thought you would know that considering you are one--when Katie spoke up. 

“Incoming troops. Their wearing some sort of mask, maybe to assist in the underwater breathing? I’m counting two dozen, no three, no four,” she whispered. “Quiznack.” 

“Language young lady,” Shiro quipped, but his tone was tighter, the underlying hint of worry evident. “Don’t try and take them all. Let some pass for Hunk and I.” 

Lance cracked his neck before leaning over the ledge of the roof, his eye staring through the scope, his grip solid.  _ Showtime.  _ He spied his first target, a soldier struggling to rid himself of his flippers. He looked like he was doing some rendition of the jive and Lance almost felt sorry for the lad.  _ Almost.  _ He fired his shot, taking him out with a hit to the upper leg. 

He would follow Shiro’s orders. Lance Mcclain was no killer. 

Below him, Katie and Keith were back to back, fighting like no time had passed at all. Lance had always been a little jealous at the duos fighting chemistry. After many weeks of moping, Katie had pulled him aside and explained to him that as the arms of Voltron, they had no choice but to be in sync. Keith had pipped in saying when they were in battle, he knew her thoughts before she thought them and vice versa. That last bit hadn’t made Lance feel much better, but he understood. It was the same with him and Hunk. 

But seeing how they moved in the field, as one entity, Lance was suddenly grateful. They were significantly outnumbered, but Katie and Keith seemed to be holding their own. Lance took down three more men. It was like taking candy from a baby. 

The arms of Voltron had separated now, each one attracting their own group of soldiers to fight while some ran down to where Shiro and Hunk waited. 

“Bet I can take down more than you Holt,” Keith jabbed over comms. 

Lance could practically see Katie’s feral grin. “You’re on Kogane.” 

“I bet I could take down more than the two of you combined,” Lance joined in smugly. “And I won’t even break a sweat.” 

“Piss off Lance!” Keith looked up to where he was perched and gave him the finger. Classy Keith, very classy. 

“I might not take down more than you, but I’ll look cooler doing it,” Hunk added. 

“Will not!”

“Focus,” Shiro cut through the chaos. “Behave, all of you.” 

Lance tried not to laugh. “Yes dad,” they all said in unison before bursting out into hysterics. Suddenly, the soldiers stopped fighting as a new figure approached. They were wearing a mask, same as everyone else, except theirs was gold. He was the  _ leader.  _ Judging by the others tense body language, they were thinking the same thing. 

The leader of the group approached Katie and raised his hands. “I don’t want any trouble. Just let us take the Bulmera Crystal and we’ll be on our way.” 

Lance thought he knew that voice, but shrugged it off, focusing on taking out the baddies. Katie shook her head, her bayard armed and ready. “In your dreams asshole.”

“Now Kit Kat,” chuckled the leader before removing his helmet. “Is that anyway to treat family?”

He saw Katie's face pale two shades and knew she was seeing the same thing. Matthew Holt stood before them, a wicked grin playing across his lips. Lance couldn’t hear what he was saying, but from the way Katie took a step back and Keith’s hands clenched into fists, he knew it couldn’t be anything good. 

They had gone into the mission knowing there was a high chance that Matt might make an appearance. When Shiro had first brought the news of his betrayal to them, Katie had refused to believe it, calling Keith a liar, among other choice names, and locking herself in her lab for a week. She had been determined to find proof that he was being manipulated or used, but could find none. She had emerged eight days later and didn’t get out of bed for the rest of the week. Slowly, she started to do things again--build a robot, de-code some alien transmissions, play video games--until she was back to her usual self. 

Now, Lance watched as she fell to her knees, a silent sob breaking free. A galra soldier advanced behind her but Lance was quick to shoot him down. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Keith square Matt up, his sword at the ready. Matt lunged and Keith was quick to deflect it, their blades clashing. It was like watching two lions fight. They were evenly matched, neck and neck. If someone landed a blow, the other was quick to return it. Both men were sweaty and breathing heavily, the determination clearly written on their faces. 

Lance took down two more guys, and was about to shoot the third when he heard Keith cry out. He fired before snapping his attention to his friend who had fallen, and wasn’t moving. Katie still hadn’t moved, her mouth moving frantically. She aimed her bayard at her brother with shaking hands and Lance heard his mocking laugh.

He watched as Matt advanced on Keith’s fallen figure, his sword primed and ready. Lance’s grip tightened on his gun. He had a clear shot. All it would take was for him to pull the trigger. So why wasn’t he? Right. Because bad guy or not, this was Matthew Holt, Katie’s older brother. Lance wasn’t sure if she’d ever forgive him for killing her brother. 

Matt was standing over Keith, his blade resting on the tip of his chest. Lance took a deep breath and re-aimed the gun at Matt’s thigh. Not a fatal wound, but enough to take him down. He put his finger on the trigger and was about to fire when Matt fell to the sand, convulsing. Lance looked to see Katie, her bayard retracting into its holder, her cheeks wet with tears. 

She ran to her brother, falling to her knees beside him and checking for a heart beat. Through his scope, he watched as she whispered something in his ear. Her bottom lip was trembling and and leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. Cold dread filled Lance’s gut and he watched as Matt’s twitched slightly, a flash of silver showing before he thrust it up and into Katie’s stomach. 

Katie let out a gasp, her eyes going wide. Matt sat up, twisting the knife, pulling a strangled cry from her lips.

“Katie!” Lance screamed, his voice breaking. He turned away from the scene and started to gag. Nothing came out except bile. When his stomach finally settles, he goes back to his post, his hands trembling. Every cell in his body is telling him to abandon his post and run to her, but he knew they would have a better chance of saving her if he did his job and took out the baddies. He could see the sand, stained red underneath her body, her eyes wide. 

He pushed back the tears that threatened to spill. They would only obstruct his vision. He aims his bayard and fires shot after shot. Soldier after soldier falls victim to his anguish. He didn’t even care if he wounded them fatally. Lance took everything from chest wounds to head shots. Every one of them deserved to die. Matt was long gone, having made a tactical retreat. Since he couldn’t kill him himself, he would exact his revenge on his men. 

Lance felt no remorse for those who fell. He kept pulling the trigger until only Keith was left standing. Hunk and Shiro were over the hill, protecting the crystal. Even from a distance, Lance caught the look of Keith's face; grief, pain and  _ terror.  _

Whether it was for Katie or at him, he didn’t know.

He started sprinting to the beach, his heart aching, the rush of the battle fading away leaving nothing but cold fear. 

When he reached them, Keith was already on his knees, his hands pressing into the wound on her stomach. He was talking to her and she let out a pained laugh. Lance knelt beside them, carefully resting her head in his lap. 

“Hey beautiful,” he smiled, trying to keep his voice level. She raised her eyes to his slowly as if even that action was too much effort. “How are you doing?” 

“I’ve been better,” she winced. “I’m so tired.” 

“I know, I know.” His voice was laced with dread. “Try to stay awake for me yeah? We’re going to get you to a pod and you’ll pop out good as new in a few hours. You’ll probably still make your chem test.” 

She groaned. “Only you Lance Mcclain would bring up my--my science exam when I’m near death.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, well someone has to make sure you wake up in time.” 

“Unless we never go to bed.”

Lance ignored Keith's suggestive look. “Are you suggesting what I think you are?” 

“Mario Kart until our eyes bleed?”

“Mario Kart until our eyes bleed.” He confirmed, his voice breaking, the tears he’d been holding back finally falling. “We’ll get home and shower, lord knows you need one.” He teased. 

“Mhm,” she winced, her face somehow growing paler. “And then we’ll eat the leftover Italian from Hunks and I’ll beat you in Mario Kart. We’ll stay up ‘till my exam at ten.”

“Yes,” Lance smiled, his tears dripping on her cheeks. “I might let you win.” 

She coughed, blood trickling from her mouth. “We’ll see about that.” Her eyes sparkled and Lance kissed her forehead. “I’m so sorry.” Her words were slurred together. 

“Don’t apologize Katie,” he soothed. “It wasn’t your fault.” 

She nodded and closed her mouth. Lance started to panic as her breathing slowed, her eyes glazing over. “No no no no! Katie! God dammit, stay with me!” her hand went limp in his and her eyes closed. He watched her chest fall, and still. 

His tears were obstructing his vision, but Lance somehow managed to apply his med school knowledge. He gently set down her head and started CPR. 

He was vaguely aware of Hunk and Shiro joining them. He heard Hunk gagging and Shiro muttering words of comfort. He kept counting. 

“Twenty seven, twenty eight, twenty nine thirty.” His forehead was damp with sweat. “Come one Katie.” He plugged her nose and tilted her head back, pressing his lips to her cold ones. Nothing. He started on the chest compression's again when he felt hands on his shoulders, pulling him away.  _ No.  _ He would not leave her. Not like this. 

“Lance, bud. I’m sorry.” Shiro was gripping his shoulder with more force. “We have to go.” 

Lance shook his head, refusing to stop his compression's. Keith stood up, his hands trembling, sticky with blood,  _ Katie’s blood.  _

“Please no,” Lance looked at Shiro, his grief was mirrored in the older man's expression. “She can’t be--we can’t--no.” His last word came out as a whisper. 

Hunk was beside him wrapping him up in his strong arms. Lance knew it was meant to be comforting, but he felt trapped, suffocated. He couldn’t breath. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he was hyperventilating, and was probably in shock, but he had no idea what to do about it. 

He pushed away from Hunk, his hands trembling as he staggered to the water. Lance used to love the ocean, so blue and full of the promise of freedom, adventure. Now it was his escape. He splashed into the cold dark water, his body protesting at the sudden temperature change. He paid it no mind and pushed through. The unforgiving liquid was at his waist now and he trudged forward. Until he was being yanked back by strong arms. 

Shiro, despite his old age, was still stronger than him and had no problem dragging him back to shore.

“NO! Let me go!” Lance wailed, flailing his arms like a stubborn child. “Let me go!”

“No Lance!” Shiro snapped shaking his shoulders  _ hard.  _ “Katie wouldn’t want you to kill yourself.” 

“You don’t know what she would have wanted!” He snared back. 

“No, you’re right.” Shiro’s eyes softened as he gazed at the former blue paladin. “But I do know she loved you Lance. More than she loved robotics or peanut butter, she loved  _ you. _ She--”

“She’s dead!” Lance screamed. Then quieter, “she’s dead.” Blue eyes filled with tears as reality set in, cold and unwelcome. “Oh my god Shiro, she’s dead. I’m never going to see her again, hear her laugh, wake up next to her.” Lance started to sob. “What am I going to do?” 

Shiro pulled him to his chest, running a hand through his hair. “You learn to move on. You try and honor them the best you can, by living your life.” 

“I killed her Shiro!” He managed to gasp out. “I’m supposed to be a fucking doctor and I couldn’t even save her.” 

“You did everything you could Lance. This is not on you. Okay?”

Lance nodded, his cries, although muffled, carried across the ocean, carrying a message, loud and clear. The galaxy had lost two paladins that night. One to death, the other to grief. 


	2. join the pity party... unless Lance throws pasta at you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go down hill. And then up? Maybe?

**LANCE**

The funeral had gone by in a blur. If he was being completely honest, Lance didn’t think he remembered any of it. He had stood there, numbly accepting condolences and handshakes as people he didn’t even know passed by to pay their respects to the great green paladin. When that was all over and done with, Lance had dropped out of med school--after all, how could he be a doctor when he couldn’t even save Katie--sold their apartment and moved into one of the spare rooms in the Castle. 

The Altean structure was so big that even if he did leave his room, Coran would have trouble finding him. The older Altean had lived in the Castle alone ever since Allura had moved in with Keith. Lance liked being alone. It was what he deserved. 

Shiro had been the first to visit. It was back when Lance was still trying to find Matt, revenge the only thing keeping him moving. The black paladin had stood and watched as Lance frantically scribbled notes about last known whereabouts and base locations. Eventually, Shiro started to talk, but at the time it was more distracting than helpful, so Lance told him he could either help or leave. Shiro protested, but eventually left. 

Next came the phone calls. Colleen and Sam were relentless when it came to calling, they were the last people Lance wanted to hear from. Not after he let their only daughter die and their son escape. The pain and guilt that weighed down on his chest was his burden to bear alone. Not to mention how similar Colleen looked to her daughter. Seeing her would have broken his heart even more. 

Allura had been after that, all chirpy and happy it made him head hurt. Lance had been quick to usher her out. How could she be so happy so soon after Katie’s death? It made him sick. 

Not he was rummaging through his liquor cabinet trying to find something strong. Something to take the edge away. There was a crash outside his door, followed by a soft curse. 

Lance trudged to the door and pressed his ear against it. Hushed whispers traveled through the wood. 

“We just need to find something that we can use to coax him out.”

“Are you kidding me?” Hunk hissed back. “Listen to yourself Keith. He’s not a wounded animal, he’s Lance, our best friend who just lost the love of his life. Imagine what you would feel like if Allura just died!”

There was a pause, and Lance began to wonder if they’d left. He was about to look through his peephole when Keith spoke up again. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” His voice grew louder. “Let’s do this.” 

There was a knock at the door, and Lance counted to five before opening it. As expected, Hunk and Keith were standing in the doorway, smiles on their faces. 

“Hey bud,” Hunk put down the bag he was holding and pulling him into a hug. “How are you holding up?”

“About as well as one can be after their long term girlfriend just died.” Lance replied, the edge in his voice making himself cringe. He pulled away from Hunk and ushered them inside with a wave of his hand. “Make yourself at home.” 

“Well,” Hunk started, breaking the silence. “I brought a surprise!” Lance looked up from his drink, eyebrow raised. Hunk took that as a good sign and opened the bag he had brought with him, pulling out container after container of Italian food. “I brought all your favorites, spaghetti, lasagna and garlic knots!” 

Lance went stiff, the smell wafting from the containers making his stomach sick. His hands started to tremble, and he stood from his chair. “Get those out of here.”

“What?” Keith looked at him confused. “But you love Italian.”

“Loved. I  _ loved  _ Italian.” He corrected, sneering. “I loved it until you came alone and ruined it with your little proposal, with your ‘one last mission’ bullshit.” 

Realization dawned on Keith and he rubbed his forehead. “Lance, I’m sorry--”

“Good. You should be.” Lance ran his hands through his hair. 

Hunk gasped. “Lance, careful what you say.”

He turned on him. “I thought I told you to out that away!” He marched forward and threw the containers at the wall, splattering pasta everywhere. Hunk stared at him in disbelief. “Why are you looking at me like that, huh? Do you think I’m over reacting? Well I don’t think so. I think I’m acting quite reasonable for a guy who’s only worry a week ago was how he was going to propose to his now dead girlfriend!” 

Keith stood there, his eyes widening as what Lance revealed sunk in. “I--I had no idea. If I had known, Lance I swear I would have--”

“You would have what? Asked only one of us to go? Not asked us at all? Please,” Lance spat, “tell me what you would have done differently if you had fucking known that I was going to PROPOSE!” 

Keith’s eyes flicked to the floor. 

Lance let out a heartless chuckle. “Nothing. I knew it.” He turned, leaning on the back of the chair for support, taking deep breaths. Then he whirled back and pointed a finger at the door. “GET OUT!” 

Hunk and Keith jumped, before beginning to shake their heads. “Lance,” Hunk started, “We--”

“I said GET OUT!” Lance roared, slamming his hand on the chair so hard that it clattered to the floor. “NOW!” Keith raised his hands while Hunk grabbed his bag and left. Lance grabbed his drink and hurled it at Keith’s head. “YOU KILLED HER! YOU KILLED HER! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!” 

Keith ducked the bottle before he retreated, his look of pity burning Lance’s eyes. The door slammed shut, leaving him in shocking silence. 

**6 MONTHS LATER**   


Mindlessly, Lance cracked open another beer, the hiss filling the silent room. Veronica had just left. It was the usual; her yelling at him to get his act together, and him just sitting there, taking every word like a punch to the gut. The more it stung the better. He deserved it. After all, he had failed to save the love of his life. 

He was pretty sure Veronica only visited now to make sure he was still alive. As much as he hated himself, Lance would had never considered ending his life. Living with the guilt of what he’d failed to do was his punishment. No one else visited him anymore. He got the occasional phone call from Shiro and Hunk, but that was it. 

Lance’s eyes swept the room--the floor littered with cans and empty take out boxes, the curtains drawn so no sunlight could get in, the dirty clothes he never washed--and stroked his scruffy chin. He was disgusting. Before he could fall into another endless loop of self pity, the doorbell rang. 

He stood, grumbling. “No Veronica, you didn’t leave your wallet here--”

“Please don’t close the door.”

Keith. Lance almost slammed the door in his face, but the look on his face made him hesitate. There was no pity or guilt in his expression. Only determination. 

“What do you want?” Lance tried to sound uninterested, but inside he was dying to know what had brought Keith to his room again. After their last encounter, it must be something pretty big. 

Keith held up a file and stared Lance directly in the eye. “We found him.” 

The words flooded his system like ice water. Keith didn’t need to tell him who he found. Lance’s hands started to shake. Six months. It had been six months since that night, since Matt Holt had taken everything from him. The bastard had gone underground, disappearing off the face of the earth. 

“When?” Lance fought to keep his voice steady. 

Keith tossed him the file. “We leave in three days. Everything you need to know is in the file.” And then he was gone. 

Lance closed the door and collapsed into his arm chair. He ran a hand over his weary eyes. It seemed too good to be true. He had given up hope of ever getting revenge on Matt a long time ago. But now… Lance stood and walked to the bathroom. He rummaged through the cupboards until he found what he was looking for. 

Taking a deep breath, Lance Mcclain started to shave. 

  
  


*

“So is everyone clear on the plan?” Shiro looked around the plane for nods of confirmation. He must have been satisfied by the response because he smiled. “Alright. We land in half an hour.” 

Lance moved stiffly towards his seat. His armor felt like it was suffocating him, he hadn’t been in it since, well, since that night. Hunk came up beside him, clapping a hand one his back. “It's good to have you back buddy.”

Lance smiled, unsure on how to respond. He had pushed everyone who cared about him away, and was now being welcomed back with open arms. “Thanks.” 

Hunk seemed pleased because he started rambling, chatting about everything that happened in the past six months. Lance was happy to listen, the company feeling familiar and comforting. The thought of revenge that had fueled him this far drifted to the back of his mind. 

Before he knew it, Shiro was announcing their landing, and they were standing in formation, ready to sneak in. Lance cleared his throat, grabbing everyone’s attention. 

“Matt is mine.” 

The others nodded solemnly. Keith spoke up. 

“Before you do anything, wait for my signal.” 

Lance was about to object, but one look from Shiro had him swallowing it down. “Okay.”

The place hatch landed, and the team found themselves in a hanger. Keith pulled up his map and began leading them down hallways and corridors. Lance was tingling with anticipation. Finally they found themselves in front of a metal door. 

Lance formed his bayard, the handles of his pistols molding to his hands perfectly. He nodded at Keith who keyed in a code on the door. Seeing someone else do Katie’s old job made his heart ache, but he pushed it down. He had a job to do. 

The door opened with a hiss, and the team rushed in. The room was empty save for a stage in the middle. Natural light from the giant window flooded the room. Standing on a platform with their back turned towards them was two figures. Lance’s grip on his guns tightened. He wanted nothing more than to shoot them both down, but he waited for Shiro’s signal. Keith walked up to the taller man, who turned and faced him. 

Matt. 

Lance saw red. That son of a bitch murdered his own sister in cold blood. A sister who went into space to save him from the Galra. 

“Is it done?” Keith asked in a low tone. Matt nodded wearily. Keith clapped a hand on his shoulder. “At what cost?” 

“A price too high to pay.” The Holt brother sounded so tired Lance almost felt bad for him. His ears perked up to what Keith said next. 

“Let’s bring you home.” Lance’s head jerked up at his friends words, confusion clouding his brain. Bring him home? They were here to kill him. 

The shorted figure turned and removed his mask. Lance made a double take. The shorter figure turned and removed  _ her  _ mask. 

“No,” Lance gasped, his lunch making its way up his throat. He managed to choke it down. “No, it can’t be. I watched you die.”

Katie offered him a small, uneasy smile. “Hey sharpshooter.”

His hands were trembling. “No, STOP TALKING! I watched you DIE!” 

Katie reached out her arm, her hand extended. “I’m alive. I’m here.” 

Lance tentatively touched her arm. It was warm, real, and  _ alive.  _ Katie was alive! She was here, standing before him, breathing air. Joy bubbled up inside him, and he went to take her into his arms, to kiss her, when a thought struck him. He looked up questioningly. 

“But how?” 

His not-dead-girlfriend twiddled her fingers. She opened her mouth to respond but her brother butt in. 

“We faked her death so she could help me steal intel from Lotor.”

That was not the answer Lance wanted to hear. He wanted to hear ‘oh, well killing my sister lead to my change of heart. I stole her body before it could be cremated and scowered the galaxy until I found the power to revive her. She’s been living with me until we could get off the ship.’ But all he got was ‘it was all planned from the beginning.’

Pieces started to click in place. Matt had never betrayed them. He’d been working in deep cover all this time. And Katie? Her death was staged from the get go. She’d never been in any real danger.

“But you were stabbed,” Hunk stated quietly. “You bled out on the beach.” 

Katie lifted up her shirt, revealing a jagged scar. Lance’s stomach twisted at the idea of her getting hurt. “That was real. We had to make it look convincing.” Her eyes flicked to him, and Lance got the hidden meaning.  _ We had to make sure a med school student couldn’t tell it was fake.  _

“When?” Lance finally managed to say. He knew she knew what he meant. She looked down. 

“That morning.”

Lance took a step back, looking around at everyone in the room. Hunk seemed just as surprised as he did, but Keith and Shiro--they looked like they’d been expecting this. Like they’d known. He whirled on Keith. “Did you know?” 

“Lance, I--”

But Lance didn’t hear anything the red paladin said next.

“Shut up!” He yelled. Katie’s mouth clamped shut and she retreated into a side room, ignoring her brothers concerned looks. Anger flowed through his body--at her or at himself he wasn’t sure--, and he clenched his fists, suddenly overcome with the urge to punch something, or better yet,  _ someone.  _ He turned to Shiro. 

“Did you know?” His voice was dangerously low. 

His leader raised his hands in deference. “Lance, you have to know that I never--”

“DID YOU KNOW?” he repeated, looking between Shiro and Keith. 

Shiro’s eyes flicked to the floor. “Yes. It was my idea.”

Lance lunged at him, his fists flying. He knew he couldn’t do any real damage to the black paladin, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try. Before he could reach him though, hands were pulling him back. 

“Lance, that’s enough.” Keith spoke, soft yet final. “I get that you’re mad with us. I get that. We did something terrible. But Katie? I pushed her to do it. You should at least listen to what she has to say.” 

Hunk gave his shoulder a squeeze. “Just talk to her bud. Hear her out. There are always two sides to a story.” 

He shoved Lance forward into the room Katie had disappeared into. The door clicked shut behind him, and he turned to face her.

“I missed you.” She whispered. Her voice was just how he remembered it. The same voice that had haunted his dreams at night. She took a step forward, her eyes gazing up at him with so much emotion he had to look away. 

“I missed you too.” He admitted, his voice a hoarse whisper. 

Katie let out a mix between a relieved sigh and a cry and closed the space between them, tugging his head down to hers. The moment their lips touched, Lance jumped back as if he’d been burned. In a way he had. This was not right. Not one bit. 

A hurt gleam  flashes through Katie’s eyes before her expression turned guarded and her gaze went blank. And it made him furious. What right did she have to act hurt when she was the one who faked her own quiznacking death?

“Why?” Despite his best efforts, his voice cracked, the simple question turning into a broken cry. 

“You and I both know that Lotor’s cult was growing out of hand. Keith presented me with the most logical solution,” she stepped closer, her hand coming up to cup his face. He leaned into her touch, warm and reassuring.  _ Alive.  _ “But it’s over now. We can move on, go back to how it was.”

Lance felt the anger creep back up. “No, we can’t.” She looked at him confused as he shook her hand away. “We can never go back to how it was. Not after everything that happened, everything  _ you  _ did.”

“Lance,” Katie said slowly, as if she was talking to a child. That only made him angrier. “We did what had to be done.”

“No, you’re wrong.” He pointed an accusatory finger at her. “Keith could have chosen anyone.  _ Anyone.  _ We were out of the game. We were retired Katie! We wanted a normal life! And it was great, it was pretty quiznacking close to perfect. But the second Keith comes calling, you have to go ahead and try out his crazy plan. We were happ--”

“ _ You _ , Lance. You were happy, you wanted a normal life.” She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “I missed it. I missed being out in the field.” Katie took a step closer. “Look, babe--”

“You do not get to call me that.” Lance yelled, ignoring the way she flinched. “You lost every right to call me anything but Lance when you died in my arms!” His hands were trembling. “Do you have any idea what I went through?”

Katie dropped her eyes to the floor and he continued. 

“I drank myself into a hole. I hated myself for not being able to save you. I dropped out of medical school because I thought I was a failure. Thousands of dollars and countless hours of late nights wasted! I lost everything Katie!”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, the fire gone from her eyes. “I really am!” 

“Yeah, well sorry doesn’t cut it.” Lance snapped, his heart clenching as he saw her bottom lip started to tremble. Her hands were balled up into fists. “Sorry doesn’t even come close to cutting it.”

“I wanted to tell you,” Katie’s voice was nothing more than a harsh whisper. “I really did.”

Lance crossed his arms, forcing his tone to be emotionless. “When? When where you going to tell me?

Her mouth snapped shut and she shook his head at her, disgust washing over him. 

“I see.” 

“No, Lance, you don’t,” she sobbed. “I had to do it!” 

The door slid open and Matt shuffled awkwardly inside the room. “It’s time. We can wait a few more minutes, but the building might explode, so… ?”

“No, it’s fine,” Lance shook his head. “We’re done.” 

He marched out, ignoring Katie’s pleading looks as he pushed past her. He didn’t have time to linger on the past. His only job was to finish the mission and try to start over. 

Lance joined Hunk and the others in the main control room. Although his friend didn’t say anything, Lance knew he knew about the fight. In fact, they all probably did. But they were giving him his space. Lord knew he needed it. 

He turns away as the door slides open once more, the Holt’s emerging. Lance didn’t need to see the expression on her face--how much he had just hurt her. He zoned out for most of Keiths plan. Get out, and blow the base to the ground.

They moved in silence, the only sound was the clunk of their boots echoing off the hallway walls. Keith and Shiro led them, Lance and Hunk in the middle and Katie and Matt taking up the rear. Lance tried to stay focus on the mission, but his mind kept on wandering. What happened after this? Did he pick up med school again? Did he re-join the team and go on more missions? Maybe he would take up flying again.

He was so lost in thought, that he failed to notice Keith had stopped, one hand raised. Lance stopped himself just in time, nearly avoiding a mouthful of Marmora blades. Keith turned his head and shot him a stern look. 

“Get your head in the game Mcclain.” 

Before Lance could retort, Shiro spoke up, his voice quiet but clear. “Incoming soldiers,” he cocked his head as if listening for something. “I’d say about half a squad.” 

“We can take them,” Lance provided, earning himself a groan from the Holt sister behind him. 

“Need I remind you this is a stealth mission?” Her hands were raised exasperatedly. “As in, low profile, lets not alert the bad guys to our position by attacking them?” 

“No one asked you Pidge.” He retorted. She was seriously getting on his nerves. 

“No, I agree with Katie,” Shiro interrupted. “We should try and avoid them if possible.” 

Lance nodded grudgingly. Who was he to argue with Shiro? 

“Not possible,” Hunk squeaked beside him. Lance looked up to see six galra soldiers round the corner and face them, blasters drawn. 

Instantly his bayard molded into his pistols, one in each hand. He took shot after shot, getting back in the zone. He might be a little rusty but  _ damn,  _ it felt good to be back. Everything about his life, Katie, school fell away leaving only his triggers and his line of vision. This was better than any drug. 

“Fall back!” Shiro yelled as reinforcements arrived. “Follow me! Our escape isn’t that far from here.”

The older man started running, Keith and Hunk following. Lance turned and ran after the group, firing several shots in the roof. It crumbled, slowing down any unwanted company. By the time he caught up with them, his adrenaline was nearly all gone. All he wanted to do was collapse in his chair on the ship and sleep.

“Matt? You coming?” Kieth called over his shoulder.

Lance turned towards the newly found not-a-traitor. Matt had stopped running and was staring back the way they came, dust from the small explosion flooding out of the hallway. Lance’s heart stopped as he saw his ashen expression. 

“Katie,” Matt choked out. “She was right behind me.” 

Lance felt like the floor had been taken out from under him. He searched the hanger for her, but found nothing. His comms crackled to life.

“I can’t move.” Katie’s voice sounded strained. A familiar sense of cold fear rushed through Lance’s veins.  _ Not again. _

“Katie, where are you?” Shiro's voice was calm, steady, but Lance could see the slight quiver in their leaders lower lip. 

“Don’t come. It’s too late. You have to get out before--” she cried out. “--before the building explodes.”

“No!” Matt was already running out of the ship. “I’m coming to get you.” 

Shiro was shaking his head. “Negative. You know too much Matt. We can’t risk loosing you too.”

Matt looked like he was about to protest, but Lance was faster, already turning back the way they came. “Meet us outside the hanger,” he called over his shoulder. “If we’re not there, leave.” 

His eyes met Keith and they reached a silent agreement. Keith would do what he needed in order to ensure the survival of the rest of the team. Even if it meant leaving Lance and Katie behind. Keith gave him a nod before turning back to the ship. 

Lance raced down the halls, his heart pounding out of his chest.  _ Not again _ . He was not about to lose her a second time, not when he’d just gotten her back. He whirled around the corner, his eyes frantically searching for the mess of brown hair he had grown to love. 

“You have five minutes,” updated Keith. “Find her and get out of there.” 

“Yeah yeah, I’m working on it.” Lance grit his teeth. He searched the hallways before moving on to the next one. Then the one after that. He was starting to think he missed her when he spotted a flash of green. He ran to her.

“Quiznack Katie!”

To say Katie Holt had seen better days would be an understatement. Her leg was under some sort of metal beam. It must have fallen during the explosion. Her face was twisted in pain, her cheeks wet with tears. Her eyes met his and she started to sob. 

“I’m so sorry Lance. I’m sorry. I’m so sor-”

“Shhhh,” he knelt beside her, brushing the hair from her face. “Don’t think about that now. Let’s focus on getting you out of here.

Katie sniffled and nodded. Lance examined the beam on her leg. He was pretty sure he could lift it, but it meant she had to pull herself out from under it. 

“Katie, I’m going to lift the beam on the count of three. I need you to pull yourself away okay?” 

“Yeah,” she wiped her eyes. “Yeah, I can do that.” 

“Okay, ready?” Lance grabbed the beam with both hands. “One, two, three!” He gritted his teeth as he lifted.  _ Lift from the legs, not the back,  _ Marco’s words floated into his head and Lance extended his legs. His concentration was momentarily broken as Katie let out a strangled whimper from beside him. His grip flattered but he was quick to recover. Dropping the beam on a different section of her leg wouldn’t do anyone any good. 

He looked down and saw her foot leaving the danger zone. With a grunt, Lance let the beam drop, his muscles groaning with relief. He crouched next to Katie who was trying to stifle her whimpers. 

“Hey,” Lance soothed, worry edging on his mind. Her leg was not looking good, and the amount of blood seeping through her suit could not have been good. “I need to pick you up okay?”

Katie looked up at him, her eyes wide and he felt his heart shatter. “Okay.” 

As gently as he could, Lance scooped her up, pressing her tightly against his chest. She let out a cry when her leg was jostled, but he couldn’t help but think how perfect she felt in her arms. She felt lighter then he remembered, and he made a mental note to ask his mama for her empanadas. Katie loved his moms empanadas. 

“Forty seconds Lance.” Keith reminded, and Lance started to run.

“I guess-” he looked down at her, cracking a grin. “I guess you owe me another one huh?” 

She rolled her eyes but he saw the smile quirk on her lips. “If I recall correctly,  _ you  _ owe  _ me _ way more than I owe you.” 

Lance scoffed. “If you’re worried about paying me back, don’t worry about it. I’ll add it to your tab.” He winked.

Katie snorted causing both of them to laugh. Her expression became serious and she reached up to touch his cheek. 

“Lance, I-”

“Twenty seconds.”

“I’m really really sorry-”

“Ten seconds!” Keith was starting to sound frantic. In the background he could her Matt arguing with Shiro. Lance tightened his grip and started sprinting, his lungs burning with the effort. 

“-for everything.” Katie finished. Lance snapped his attention back to her. 

“Katie,-” he panted. The hanger door was right in front of them. He could see the ship waiting for them a safe distance away. “I for-”

The base exploded. Lance wrapped his arms around Katie’s form protectively, trying to shield her from the debris. He wouldn’t let her die, not when they were so close. Something hit his head, there was a flash of pain, then everything went black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	3. conflict and resolutions... kinda?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff happens. Bad stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was such a blast to work on this fic! Thanks for bearing with me!

**LANCE**

Something was ringing. Something loud and annoying was ringing in his ears. Lance stood, his feet unsteady on the ground. His eyes were drawn to a small form, trying to pull herself up.  _ Katie.  _

He wobbled up to her, pulling her up and supporting her on his shoulder. She was asking him questions, but her lips were moving slowly and his mouth was too dry to form words. He needed water.

Shots ring out from behind them, and suddenly their running, running towards the safety of the others. Their yelling and encouraging him to move faster and by some miracle, they make it. 

Together they stumbled to the ship. Matt and Hunk met them halfway. Matt gently lifted his sister and carried her to the ship, her eyes stared at his blue ones. Hunk wrapped Lance’s arms around his shoulders and supported the former blue paladin as they trailed behind the Holts, his eyes still locked with hers.

Lance collapsed into his chair on the ship, trying to catch his breath. His muscles were sore and aching, and all he wanted to do was sleep. The adrenaline was wearing off leaving him tired and broken. Keith approached him, first aid kit in his hands. 

“Lance, let me look at you.” There was concern in his eyes. Lance shook his head, waving him off.

“I’m fine. Check on Katie.” 

Keith hesitated. “Are you sure?” 

Lance nodded. He was just scratched up. Nothing a couple days in a pod wouldn’t heal. But Katie’s leg. He shuddered as he thought about the puckered flesh. The healing pod could only do so much. Keith gave him one last look before turning and helping Matt splint her leg. He tried to drown out her cries of pain, but nothing worked. 

“Hey bud, how are you holding up?” Hunk came up behind him.

“I don’t know.” Lance sighed, leaning back in his chair. “As good as anyone whose girlfriend came back to life after three months I guess.” 

Hunk gave him a disappointed look and Lance rolled his eyes.

“Fine. I’m angry. I’m hurt. But I’m also confused. I was so mad at her Hunk. I thought I never wanted to see her again, but then I almost lost her. She almost died today and I would have done anything to prevent that. I-” He paused, rubbing his face with his hands. “I just want to be happy Hunk. I think I deserve to be happy.” 

The ship beeped, signaling they had landed. He stood, Hunk beside him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “Dude, if anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you.”

Lance smiled and his friend, watching as Katie used the ships crutches to help herself leave the plane, Matt and Shiro hovering. He smiled as she batted them away, claiming their overprotective testosterone was unwelcome. Maybe things would be alright after all. 

  
  


**KATIE**   
  


Out of the corner of her eye, Katie watched as Hunk and Lance chatted. She bit her lip and kept moving forward, the pain in her leg dulled thanks to whatever Altean juice Keith had injected her with. Lance’s words floated in her head. 

_ I think I deserve to be happy. _

Guilt gnawed at her stomach but she pushed it down. She had done what she needed to do. They had taken down one of the biggest opposing forces to the Coalition, and that was all that mattered.  _ But at what cost? _

“Lance!” Hunk cried, catching her attention. “You’re bleeding.” 

Lance looked down, then touched his head, his fingers coming away sticky with blood. Her stomach dropped as his eyes, blue as the ocean, met hers. 

“Oops.” He muttered before collapsing to the ground. She was barely aware of Shiro and Keith rushing off to find Coran. She felt Matt gently try and pull her to the med bay but she shook him off. 

“Katie-”

“No!” She cried, waving her arm at him. “Go help the others.” He hesitated before running off. She started to make her way to Lance’s fallen form, but the quiznacking crutches wasn’t making it any faster. She pushed herself to go faster, gritting her teeth against the pain. 

_ Please, _ she begged silently.  _ Please let him be okay. _

By the time she reached him, a crown had formed, mainly made of new recruits and rebel fighters. She silently cursed her leg. Somebody was shouting, “Move it! Get back, give us some room!” The lump in her throat threatened to choke her, leaving her short of breath. She shoved people aside, ignoring the pain in her leg as she dropped down at Lance’s side. The person shouting was Hunk. He gave her a frantic look.

“Stay with him,” he told her. “I’m going to see what’s taking the others so long.” She nodded once, and he dashed off.

Katie barely noticed all the people crowded around them. All she could do was look down at Lance. He was trembling from head to toe, his eyes wide with shock, his hair matted to his face. She scanned his body for more wounds and saw blood spreading from somewhere by his hip. And his chest. A strangled cry reached her ears. Maybe it was her. As if in a dream, she leaned over him and touched his face.

“Lance, it’s me. It’s Katie. I’m right here.” 

He looked at her. “Katie?” he manages to gasp out. He tried to lift a hand to touch her face but he’s shaking so hard that he can’t. She reaches down and cradles his face with both hands. His eyes are full of tears. “I-I think-I was shot-” Two people from the crowd place their hands on his injuries, pressing down hard enough to force a painful sob out of his mouth. He tries to look down at them but has no strength left, not event to lift his head. 

“Coran is on his way,” she tells him firmly, leaning close enough to press her lips against his cheek. “Hang on okay?"  _ Stay with me. _ "Keep looking at me. You’ll be okay.” 

“I don’t-think so.” Lance stammers. He blinks rapidly, spilling tears down the sides of his face. They wet the tips of her fingers. His skin looks so ashen.  _ Please no. _ Katie refused to think of the worst, but it hung over them like a dark shadow. She could feel the heaviness of death looming over her shoulder, his sightless eyes staring down into Lance’s soul, waiting patiently to take him. 

“I don’t want-to go-” Lance finally manages to say. “I don’t want-to leave you-”

She shushed him by touching her lips to his trembling ones. “Stay focused Lance. You’re going to go to the med bay. Their on their way, and you’ll pop out of the pod good as new.” 

Lance just smiled at her, an expression so sad that it broke through her numbness and she starts to cry. “You’re--you’re so beautiful.” He stares at her with those bright blue eyes. Here was the man she had grown to love, a man who would do anything for his family, who was so full of life and light and laughter, of grief and fury and passion. A man who was dying. 

“I love you,” he whispered. “Can you stay a while?” He says something else but his voice trails off so quietly she can’t make out what it is.  _ No. No. He can’t. _ His breathing grew shallower. Katie can tell he’s fighting to stay conscious, tat with every passing second, his eyes have more and more trouble focusing on her. For a moment, Lance tries to look at something over her shoulder but when she looks, there's nothing there but open sky. She kisses him again and leaned her forehead against his. 

“I love you,” she whispers over and over again. “Don’t go.” She closes her eyes, her tears falling on his cheeks. 

As she crouched there against him, feeling his life slowly ebb away, Katie was consumed with grief and rage. She had never been a religious person, but as she watched Coran’s bright orange hair hurrying towards them, the others in tow, she sent a prayer to whatever higher power might be up there. To who or what, she doesn’t know, but she throws it up with all of her strength. 

_ Let him live. _

_ Please don’t take him away from this world. Please don’t let him die here in my arms. Not after everything I’ve done. He doesn’t deserve this. I’m willing to sacrifice anything to make sure he lives-I’ll do anything you ask. Please let him live. He deserves a chance to be happy. _

_ S _ he was so tired. Through an underwater veil, she felt hands on her arms, pulling her away from Lance. She struggles stubbornly against them. Pain lanced up her injured leg. Coran and Shiro bend over his body. His eyes are closed now and she couldn’t tell if he was breathing. Keith and Matt were pulling her away but she shoves them away and screams. She screams for everything that went wrong. 

**LANCE**   


Lance was pretty sure Katie was leaning over him, but he was having trouble making out the details of her face. When he would try too hard, the edges of his vision would filter into a blinding white. The pain, at first excruciating, was nothing now. Memories faded in and out--memories of his first day at the Garrison; of the ocean, so far away now; of his abuelas cooking and his mother's smile, of Hunk and Keith and Shiro and Allura and even Coran. He remembered the first time he met Katie, or Pidge Gunderson at the time. Her defiant stance, the fire in her eyes. He tried to hold onto them, but they were slipping out of his fingers.He was having trouble remembering anything. 

He always knew, on some level, that he wouldn’t live long. It was simply not written in his stars. 

Something bright hovering over Katie’s shoulder caught Lance’s attention. He turned his head as much as possible to try and see it better. At first it looked like some glowing orb of light. As he kept staring, though, he realized it was his abuela. 

_ Abuela,  _ he whispered. Lance stood and took a step towards her. His feet felt so light. 

His grandmother smiled at him. She looked so young and healthy and whole, her hands no longer covered in scars, her hair the color of chocolate. When he reached her, she gently cups his face between her smooth palms. Lance’s heart stops beating; filling with warmth and light and he wants to stay here forever, locked in this moment. He falters in his steps, but strong arms wrap around him, catching him before he could hit the ground. “Mi pobre niño,” she murmurs into his hair. 

His voice comes out as a broken whisper. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

“Hush mi carño.” she soothed. “There is nothing to apologize for.” 

“I wasn’t a good grandson. I didn’t visit before you left.” He cried into her shirt, already wet with tears. 

“I forgive you Lance. I never held it against you.” She combed a gentle hand through his hair, just like she used to do when he was younger. 

“I miss you,” he admitted. “I miss you and your cooking.”

She let out a warm chuckle. “If you only miss me for my cooking you could have asked for the recipes.” Lance gaped and she laughed harder. “I’m joking Lance. And there’s no need to miss me. I never left.” She nods at Coran and Shiro gently lifting his body onto a stretcher. “Go back to your friends. Their waiting for you.” 

“I know.” He whispered. His grandmother started to rise, her hands leaving his face. 

“Abuela! Where are you going? Can I come with you?” He called out, desperately trying to reach her. 

She shakes her head sadly. “You still have work to do here amor. You have people here waiting for you, people who love you.” She nods at the small woman on her knees crying into her brothers shirt. 

_ Katie. _

“You need to get back up and fight.” He must have looked sad because she clucked her tongue. “Don’t give me that face. I’ll come back someday when you’re ready. But you need to get back up. Make every step could Lance.” 

**KATIE**   


**ONE MONTH LATER**

Katie rarely left the med bay. Her leg is almost healed; a few surgeries and metal screws later, but she still insists on staying. In case, somehow, Lance wakes up. He was in the pod for a week before it popped open, but his eyes still wouldn’t open. Coran had him moved to a separate room, and he’s been there ever since. 

The same people come and go. Hunk, of coarse, bringing peanut butter cookies to share. Keith, Shiro, and Allura visit as often as their work schedule allows them, which is usually once a week. Matt drops by to remind her to go home. Veronica and the rest of his family are in at least twice a week too, constantly cheerful and optimistic he’ll wake up any day. On one visit, his mom brought her empanadas and Katie nearly broke down. 

Today, she was there early. Even Hunk wasn’t there yet. He tended to drop in around lunch and they would exchange conversation in hushed whispers. Sometimes he even got her to laugh. “He loves you, really he does,” he had told her the other day. ‘He’d love you even if it destroyed him. I guess it’s kinda cute in a weird day.” He had said this with a shy smile on her face. 

Katie had nudged him affectionately. “You guys have a bond I could never touch,” she replied. “Seriously, the bromance is real with you two.” 

He laughed at that, quieting down when he saw the annoyed the people around were giving him. “Just be good to him,” he whispered. “Promise?”

Now she greeted the nurse at the front desk, settling in her usual chair. She didn’t like the idea of waiting next to his bedside. It seemed too impatient of her. Her eyes scanned the hallway as Coran emerged from Lance’s room. He caught sight of her, took a deep breath, straightened his mustache, and walked towards her. She straightened, tensing. It’s been a long time since she got any real updates. Part of her wants to jump for joy, because perhaps the news is good; another part of her cringes in fear, in case the news is bad. She searches Coran’s face for any clues but finds none. Perhaps he’s simply going to tell her what he usually does.  _ Nor much change today number five. At least he’s still stable. _

Coran pauses before her. He adjusts his glasses and unconsciously scratches his mustache. “Morning number five.”

“How is he?” She ignored his greeting, cutting to the chase.

He smiles, but hesitates. “Wonderful news.” Her heart stutters a beat. “Lance had woken up. Less than an hour ago.” 

“He’s awake?” She breathed.  _ He’s awake. _ Suddenly the news is too overwhelming and Katie has to take a moment to compose herself. She studies his face carefully. “There’s more to it though, isn't there.” 

Coran puts his hands on her shoulders. “I don’t want to worry you. Lance had pulled through remarkably well-when he woke up, he asked for water and for Veronica. He seemed alert and coherent. We ran a quick scan of his brain.” His voice turns more excited. “We’ll need to do a more thorough check, of course, but upon first glance it seems everything has normalized. His hippocampus looks healed, and signals seem to be firing normally. In almost every aspect, the Lance we know and love it back.”

Tears prick at the corner of her eyes. After weeks of waiting, the news is so sudden. One minute he was lying unconscious in bed, hanging on to life by a thread, and now he’s awake. Just like that. She broke into a smile and hugged Coran. He laughed and patted her head, but she didn't care. She wanted to see Lance. “Can he have visitors?” She asks. Then, abrupt, she realized what Coran actually said. She pulled away. “Why did you say ‘almost’?”

Coran’s cheery smile wavers. He looks away. “It’s nothing we can’t fix over the course of extended therapy. You see, the hippocampus region affects the memories, both short- and long-term. It seems Lance’s long-term memories--his family, Veronica, even Hunk and Keith, and so on-- are intact. After a few questions, however, it seems like he has very little recollection of both people and events from the last seven years or so, give or take. We call it retrograde amnesia. He remembers being a part of Voltron, for instance…” Coran’s voice trails off uncomfortably. “But he doesn’t seem to remember the princess or the last mission you embarked on. He also doesn’t seem to recall you.” 

Katie’s smile faded. “He… doesn’t remember me?”

“Of course, this is something that can heal over time, with proper treatment. On Altea, we used some very effective methods.” He tried to reassure her. “His short term memories are working well. He will remember most things I tell him, and is able to form new memories without a problem. I just wanted to warn you before you see him. Don’t be startled. Just take your time and reintroduce yourself to him. Gradually, perhaps in a few years time, his memories might come back. 

She nodded at Coran as if in a dream. “Okay.” She whispered.

“You can see him now, if you’d like.” His smile is back, as is he’s delivering the greatest news in the world. And he is. 

But when he leaves, she just stands there for a moment. Her mind is a haze. Thinking. Lost. Processing. Then, she takes a few steps towards the hallway where Lance’s room is. The only thing running through her head is the memory of her desperate prayer over Lance’s wounded body, the promise she had offered up to the heavens in exchange for his life. 

_ Let him live. I am willing to sacrifice anything to make this happen.  _

Katie’s heart sinks, turning grey. She understands now. She knows that something has answered her prayer, and at the same time has told her the sacrifice that must be made. She has been offered the chance to never hurt Lance again. 

She steps into the hospital room. Lance is alert, propped up on pillows and startlingly healthier then the times she’d seen him over the past weeks. But something is different now. Lance’s eyes follow her without a hint of familiarity in them; he’s watching her with a polite, wary distance of a stranger, the way he’d looked at her when they first met. 

He doesn’t know who she it.

Her heart aches, pulling at her as she draws closer to his bedside. She knows what she has to do. 

“Hi,” he says as she sits on his bed. His eyes wander curiously across her face. 

“Hi,” she replied softly. “Do you know who I am?” 

Lance looks guilty, which only digs the knife deeper. “Should I?” 

It takes all her willpower not to cry, to bear the thought that Lance has forgotten everything between them--their apartment, the ordeals they’d been through, all that they’d shared, they’d lost. They’d been erased from his memory, leaving nothing behind .The Lance that she knew was not there. 

She could tell him right now, of course. She could remind him of who she is, that she is Katie Holt, the girl he’d fallen in love with. She could tell him everything, just like Coran had said, and it could possibly trigger his memories.  _ Tell him Katie. Just tell him. You’ll be so happy. It’d be so easy.  _

But when she opens her mouth, no sound comes out. She can’t do it. 

_ Be good to him,  _ Hunk had told her.  _ Promise.  _

_ I think I deserve to be happy.  _

As long as she remains in Lance’s life, she will hurt him. Any other alternative is impossible. She thinks of how broken he’d sounded as he yelled at her for not telling him the truth, how hurt he was because of her actions. Now fate was handing her the solution on a silver platter--Lance survived his ordeal, and in return, she needed to step out of his life. Even though he looked at her like a stranger, he no longer had the look of pain and weariness that always seemed to follow him. He looked free.  _ Happy.  _

He is free of  _ them, _ leaving her as the only bearer of the burden of their past. 

So she swallows hard, smiles and bows her head to him. “It’s nice to meet you Lance,” she forces herself to say. “I was sent by Princess Allura to see how you are doing. It’s wonderful to see you awake again.”

Lance nods politely in return, his tenseness unmistakable. “Thank you,” he says warily. “The doctor, Coran, told me I’ve been out for four weeks. What happened?” 

“You were injured during a mission. We managed to take down the hostile organization because of you. You saved a lot of people.” She replies. Everything she’s saying sounds like it’s coming out of someone else's mouth. “Your friend Hunk should be here soon.”

“Hunk?” Lance’s face lights up with recognition, and a beautiful smile blossoms on his face. The sight of it brings her pain even as she tries to be happy he remembers his friend. She wants so much to see that look of familiarity on his face when he’s talking about  _ her.  _

“Hunk will be happy to see you awake. He’s coming as soon as he can.” Katie returns his smile, and this time it’s genuine, if bittersweet. When Lance studies her face again, she bows slightly. 

It’s time to go.

“Lance,” she said, carefully choosing what to say to him. “It’s been such a privilege and honour fighting beside you. Thank you,” she whispers. “For everything.”

Lance looks puzzled by the emotion in her voice but he bows his head in return. “The honor is all mine,” he replied. Her heart shattered at the lack of warmth in his voice, the warmth she knew she would have heard if he remembered everything. He pauses, his eyebrows scrunching up. “Are you sure I don’t know you? Your face looks so familiar.” 

She shakes her head. “No, I don’t think so.”

Lance looks at her for another minute before his face lights up and she dares to hope. “I got it! You look just like this kid I was in simulations with back at the Garrison. Pidge Gunderson or something.” 

She forced herself to keep a neutral expression. “Huh. I guess I have one of those faces.”

“Guess so.” 

If he knew who she was, she would say something else to him now, something she should’ve said more often when she’d had the chance. But he doesn't and it’s too late now. Instead she folded the three words back into her heart, for his sake, and rose from the bed. She soaked in every last detail of his face, storing it in her memory, hoping she could take him with her wherever she went. They exchanged quick salutes. Then Katie Holt turned away from Lance Mcclain for the last time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments/Suggestions are always welcome! Thanks for reading :)


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